“She must do that thing her town has done every year since its founding. The thing could potentially be a tree lighting ceremony, an ice skating rink for people who knew each other in high school, or a pie-making contest hosted by a charming old man who keeps asking her why she’s not married yet. This is when she sees the generically good-looking young man from her past again. He is probably named Curt and he looks like a potato in a Fair Isle sweater. They’re in love now.” Read more guidelines for female protagonists in Hallmark Christmas movies at McSweeney’s.